i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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