I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
