Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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