I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
