If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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