So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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