did you get engaged???
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
