Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
