Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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