You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
