I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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