I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
don't judge my taste in strippers
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
