I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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