we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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