I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
