our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
