She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
