is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
