just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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