I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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