Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
