Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
