I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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