It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh god it's open bar.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
