I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
