We're like a lot better than the average bears
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
