I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
