You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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