At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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