Can Purell be used as lube?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
