i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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