Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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