I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
