Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
