I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
