i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
