now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
