Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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