you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
