Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
