Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
