It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
