just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
