I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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