I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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