still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
