i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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