I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
