every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
