lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
