it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
soo... how was my night?
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