4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He better not be in your backpack
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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