mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
